When Drake's DJ Future the Prince got robbed of roughly $3 million in jewelry at a concert in Phoenix last week, the 6ix god was clearly not having any of the media coverage. Bombarded by TMZ shortly after the theft was first reported, Drake said "nobody robbed me" while obviously just wanting to put the whole incident firmly in the rearview. But Stephen Colbert cares not for Drake's wishes, as he spent a quick slice of his Late Show Monday riffing on the alleged robbery.
"All famous people are best friends," Colbert told his audience Monday. "My heart goes out to my best friend I haven't met yet, Drake, who had his tour bus robbed of $3 million in jewelry. $3 million in jewelry! I've never thought to ask this before but, Drake, are you a pirate?"
Sadly, Colbert then took a quick detour through a land mine of dad jokes by tying the whole jewelry heist thing back to the extremely vintage Drake track "Hotline Bling."
So what the hell happened with all that jewelry anyway? According to TMZ, police arrested the suspected jewelry thief at Arizona State University last Wednesday after finding him with a briefcase full of the missing items in question. Travion King, described by authorities as a transient, was arrested and booked for felony burglary. King had reportedly been a former employee of the Talking Stick Arena in Phoenix, the site of the alleged tour bus robbery.
It's nice to have Colbert reaching out with some empathy during what is surely a very frustrating time for Drake and company. However, let's promptly cool it with the dad-esque "Hotline Bling" puns. Please?